Seismological data collated today suggests that solar neutrinos are acting in a way that they’ve never observably done before. They’re interacting with solid matter and creating a form of friction.

The result is that the core of the earth is quickly heating and dissolving the mantle containing the liquid iron core of the earth. Eventually (i.e. within only a few short days) the earth’s crust disintegrate and everyone and everything will die.

“There is not a geophysicist or astrophysicist alive today who would have expected that solar neutrinos, which are the incorporeal particles which result from fusion of hydrogen atoms, could interact with solid matter in such a way. Neutrinos mainly only interact with some radioactive isotopes, robbing them of their spare neutrons, which is ultimately how we detect them. The fact that they are heating the mantle of the earth means that we’re all doomed… I’d say that May 21^st is the day we’ll all die from the resulting cataclysm,” said Professor Marney Gittman, head theologian at Hoovard University.

So, there you have it folks, the world is coming to an end on May the 21^st, supporting the Evangelical Christian group who predicted that the world would end on May the 21^st.

The question is, what will you do now? Some suggest killing those pesky kids who’ve been walking on your segment of the sidewalk on their way home from school and making sweet rape to your neighbourhood Presbyterian woman. Alternatively, you can ignore the warning and go about your life as you normally would.

Nonetheless, regardless of what you decide to do, do it soon because the end is neigh. Or, it isn’t. But probably is. Maybe.